Strong faith is not built on perfection. It is built on the trials that we face and the questions that we ask. It is formed in the way we choose to face those trials. Or, when God says "no". Or, when you pray without ceasing - and you wonder why you ever did. Those questions draw us into a deeper relationship with our Father.
If you let them.
Beloved, we are ALL human, myself included. Circumstances in our lives can make or break our relationship with Christ. There have been times in my life when I was just done and could not take another unanswered question. Times that I believed that my heart was completely beyond repair and that even if would ever be made whole, I knew deep inside it would just be broken again. I told God that I didn't know how to trust Him anymore - and I cried till I could cry no more - but in the stillness of the night, I heard it. Not just once, my dear friends - but each and everytime I got to the depths of the darkness of my life. I heard it.
His gentle voice.
I felt the strong Hand of my Savior reach into my soul and just hold my broken.
My broken that cracked when I was abandoned, unwanted, unloved, and so hurt I could not recognize my own face. My broken when I questioned my very place in life. My broken when I literally had to write "You deserve to be loved" on a post it note, put on a place I would see it everyday, in hopes I would someday believe it. My broken that looked in the mirror and said "something must be wrong with you". My broken that echoed "you are not worthy of love and will never be happy."
My broken that seemed to be a part of my destiny.
But...more times than I can count, I noticed that after even in the darkest, quietest of nights, morning still came.
No matter how dark the night, light was still stronger.
And I survived.
And I grew.
And I became.
I learned to cherish my tears, knowing that each one held a prayer and told a story. But I also learned to brush them off and learned that a time would come when they wouldn't fall like rain anymore. But I also learned that there never would be a time that I would be "home free" from any sorrow. I learned the value in taking another step and kept seeking the Living Water that sustains like nothing else on earth. I decided that my heart was no more capable of turning my back on God than it is denying my lungs oxygen. I breathe in grace because I remember what it was like to suffocate.
You see, when you have truly been in the dark of the darkness of life...you know how precious the light is. As my son so beautifully says, "it takes the teeniest amount of light to overcome the darkness". And I'm here to say that He's right. Somedays it might only feel "teeny tiny". But, I promise you...look for it.
That light is there.
No matter how strong I may seem, please know that I'm real. Very real. I'm on a life journey myself and have days where I find myself on my knees crying out to God with words that can't even get past my lips. There are days when I feel like I can't trust anyone and days when I wonder if it's possible to have too much faith because I trusted fully in something and realized that I shouldn't have. There are days when I feel like everything I do is wrong and that I'm irrefutably flawed. And times when I learn the incredibly hard lesson that even the people you trust the most to never hurt you, are indeed very capable of doing so. The days when I realize that the more I open my heart and let people in, the greater the risk runs to be hurt.
There are days when it just rains and is cold.
But those days balance out a life - a very full, spirit- filled life that knows JOY and LOVE and FREEDOM. A life that has a very deep faith because I have held fast and sought Him during the valleys. I know that there is a Heavenly realm stronger than my Earthly one - and in the Kingdom of God, I am fully whole and wholly full.
Psalm 13:1 may seem painfully real at times. “How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
But so are vs 5-6 "“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”
And you know what? The same Jesus that I give the glory for redeeming my life...can redeem anything, for anyone, anywhere. Right where you are, beloved.
And I guarantee you that I will read these words again myself tonight and be comforted too.
Much love to you all
"God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces"
Thank you for sharing, Marlena. When Randy was a little tyke, he had all kinds of questions. One of those was "Where does the dark go when you turn on the light?" It disappears, it goes away, it becomes light. Yes, light can overcome the darkness. Isn't it wonderful that children discover that, and don't you hope and pray that they (and we) remember?
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