A Mother's Prayer

It's easy to forget what's important. 

Today I can look around my house and see the still-up party decorations from my daughter's Rapunzel party this past weekend.  I can hear the ding of my work email hit through my Iphone and I can see the shoes under the kitchen table that I daily tell my son to put away. Maybe by the 576th time, he will remember. I can see the pile of "last day of school" work left to be sorted through and the lawn that needed to be mowed last week. Sometimes my single Mom hands get really full.  Really, really full.

It's easy to lose myself in the never ending cycle of "I'll never catch up" and the exhaustion that follows every single day. And there are some days when admittedly, I get overwhelmed and I forget that my job as a Mom far exceeds teaching them how to complete tasks or be responsible.  Sometimes my own prayers turn toward, "God, please help me catch up..."

However, in the chambers of my Mommy heart, I know this...

More important than any chore or task are the two little minds who are soaking up the life that I sometimes forget I am blessed to lead them through.  It may only be for a short time that they are mine to hold but what I pass on to them can prayerfully echo into their lifetime. I just know that I will blink and my nine year old son will be going off to college and my seven year old daughter will be twirling across the stage of life, rather than our living room.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was taking them for a walk in the neighborhood and captured this memory? 

My deepest prayer today - more than any completion of a "to-do" list or that for once, my children will listen and mind me the first time, (much less brush their teeth without being reminded), is that their identity be cemented in the solid foundation of God's word.

Dylan and Alena, you are precious, irreplaceable, chosen, loved and treasured. 

You were created with a PURPOSE and have a destiny to fulfill in your life.  God knows how many hairs are on your head and how many cares are in your heart.  Even though I love you more than there are stars in the sky, your Heavenly Father loves you even greater than that. Never give anyone the power to define you - may you already know who you are through the truth of God's word. 

You never have to be afraid of the dark when you have the Light living within you and around you. You can always talk to God no matter where you are, what you're going through, or what you've done.  He loves to hear your voice. May you always seek His presence and turn your ears and heart to hear Him when the noise of the world gets too loud.  God doesn't always shout - He loves to whisper - and sometimes you will hear Him through your heart. You can see Him in the sunrise, in the embrace of a friend or the uncontrollable giggles that you get when you surrender to childhood.  God loves you so much that He will bless you a thousand times - just look for them...I promise they are there.

God's faith in you never dwindles or fails. You are enough. You matter.  Your dreams matter. You have a place in this world.  You have something incredibly special the world needs.You are never, ever alone. You are eternally loved.

And if you ever forget, know that this Momma, no matter the time, year, or circumstance, will be on her knees praying for you. And yes, I'll still be praying for the time to finally finish the laundry.

"Light and Darkness" - age 7

"Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God."  - Jesus
The moments you always remember...

Shortly after Christmas last year, my 7 year old son asked me if I would read him a verse in the new Bible I got him for Christmas. Before I found out what he wanted, I was quick to say "Dylan, please go back to bed" but when I realized what he was asking, I said, "Sure" (I mean, really!).  He got his Bible and I decided to read in Psalms.  He thought I was going to read 139 (what I highlighted for him as "his" verse) but I turned to Psalm 91.

Afterward I encouraged him to go up to bed, but he had some thoughts to impart. Boy did he ever.

Randomly, he started talking about light and darkness.  It was as if a LIGHT (literally) in him switched on and his blue eyes danced and he spoke with passion and enthusiasm. I was in awe of what he (all by himself!) started talking about and I could only affirm what he was saying.  I asked him where he got all this knowledge from and he said, "It came from in here and here" (he said pointing to his head and his heart).  Wow.

If I may....

"Light and Darkness" by Dylan

"When light hits darkness, light always wins.  Darkness has no choice because light is stronger"

"I think that darkness is like the size of a planet.  Sometimes it seems really big because planets are really big.  But light?  It's the size of the UNIVERSE.  So while darkness might seem big as a planet, when you think of light being the size of the universe, the size of the planet is really pretty small."

"Darkness surrenders to the light - it has to."

"Mom, darkness can't understand light. Because all it knows is dark!  Light hits it and it can only wonder what it is because it's nothing like the dark!"

"I like thinking of the light as being like an army sent in by God - going into battle the darkness.  But no matter how huge the army of darkness is, the army of light will always be bigger."

"So, Dylan, what do you think is light?" I asked him.  Without skipping a beat, he said, "God!"  And that since he thinks in terms of battles (he loves those little green army men), he proceeded to show me with his hands how God sends an army marching in when He sees darkness.  And while stacking his little arms on top of each other and having them appear even in size, he explained to me, "Sometimes it might seem like these armies are the same size." And with a twinkle in his eyes, he said softly, "But they're not."  "The army of light is always bigger."

"You know, if a person is hit by light, this is what happens" (and he proceeded to act like something had hit his chest (by his heart) and he made his body rise up in joy.  "But if a person is hit the same way with darkness, this is what happens."  (and he fell over on the couch, as if dead)

"Even if there is a lot of darkness around, all it takes is the smallest amount of light to overcome that darkness.  Even the tiniest little bit (picture him acting like he's holding a single pea with his little hands) will shine a light and make the darkness lose the strength"

"Darkness HATES light.  It runs. Everytime.  It has to.  The darkness is really AFRAID of the light.  It doesn't know what to think of it, so it runs."

I would say for certain that God has a MIGHTY BIG plan for this little boy.
 

 Swing high, little man.  Always.

Forgiveness

When someone hurts you, forgiveness might be the last thing you think you're capable of.  We've ALL been there.  We've had wounds inflicted on us that might be incomprehensible for another human being to do.  Sometimes when you are so hurt and broken inside, it seems natural to be angry and bitter and remain broken over what happened and think that if you make a choice to forgive them, then you're saying it's ok that they hurt you.  I know I've carried specific people all my life around - because I never could imagine being free from them because they hurt such a deep part of my heart.

Then I began been thinking about who was receiving that hurt within the boundary of today - was it hurting them?  Likely not.
Was I being continually hurt by those who went against everything God says about love and respect?

Yes.

The reality is that those hurts ended a long time ago - but inside, they echoed more than they should.

Do you feel a nudge within you? 
Feel something similar?

Different situation, perhaps - but do your hurts echo within you?

I heard an analogy awhile back that "clicked" - and what I read today only affirms it. When you hold onto someone who hurts you, it's like you are handcuffed to them - they are always with you, dragging you, holding you down.  That bond is stronger than steel - and it's not a positive bond to have (let me tell you, I know!).

When you forgive them, you unlock *your* handcuff.  Not theirs.

 Then you hand the handcuffs to God.

 You may think that "if you let them go, they'll get away with how they hurt you!" - but remember that everyone will stand before Him and have to account for their actions in life.  We have a just and loving  Father in Heaven who we need to trust to take that burden, that disappointment, that betrayal and give it to Him and trust that He can handle it.

He is a BIG God. 

Look at the amazing sunset He created tonight, in Dallas.

How can you see a sight like that and not stop in your tracks and realize how BIG God is?  And surely if God can create such majesty, He can right the wrongs and fill in the cracks of your soul?

You don't heal in order to forgive; you forgive in order to heal. 

And let me tell you.  A few months ago, I sat in a room and declared who I forgave out loud - I heard my voice say it and I realized that my voice had as much conviction as the finality my life experienced when I was first hurt.  Truthfully though, guess what was more powerful?  My voice.

I wish I could write here and have it be a final testament that I will always be okay with the journeys my life has taken me. Some days I have reminders of what I forgave and it's hard.  But it's harder living life locked down and chained to what hurt you.  I'm closing this with one of the most profound passages I've ever read about forgiveness and I pray it blesses you, too.

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. Forgiveness does not excuse anything.  You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......”

― William P. Young, The Shack